All this school year, I've been fooling myself. Telling myself I was imagining it, laughing at myself because it had to be a joke, pleading with myself not to let me believe it. But now I know it's true--I have no friends.
Well, that's not completely true. I have the 5 best friends a girl could ask for. They overwhelm me with their utter coolness. But only one of them goes to my school and she's a sophomore, so I don't see her much. And that's my problem. I don't really have any friends at school. I have Jasmine and Alisa, but due to my lack of ever seeing them, they hardly count. I saw both yesterday for the first time in 7 1/2 weeks. And that sucks. But what sucks more is that aside from them, I have no true friends. I have lots of acquaintances and "casual friends", people I eat lunch with and walk to class with. Part of it is that I've hung out with these people since freshman year or before and I just have no desire to go find a group of friends for 8 more months. Besides, I don't much fit in with the other kids in my classes. I don't party and I'm not a psycho-nerd. And that makes me sad. I mean, not that I'm not a partier or psycho-nerd, but that I don't actually fit in. I can fake it well enough, but I don't want to look back in 10 years and remember how I faked my way trhough fitting in. I don't want to remember that I got one of the soccer player's senior shirts because I couldn't get anyone else to make them with me against this year. I don't want to remember the number of concerts I have to pass up because I have no one to go with and I don't want to go alone. I don't want to remember that I didn't really have a twin this year for twin day becaues I'm nobody's godo friend. I hate that this is the way my senior year is turning out: friendless. Part of me says to keep trying at school and just maybe I'll find a peculiar treasure (after all, "you'll be surprised at who you're friends with senior year"...well, yeah, I'm surprised!) and the other part of me says screw it, I have the girls at church and I don't need anyoe else. Oh how I wish that was the case!
- thoughts provided by Katey Orr @ 2:14 PM

Tuesday, September 30, 2003

 

What is your favorite...
1) Book
2) Magazine
3) Poem
4) Play
5) Writer

- thoughts provided by Katey Orr @ 5:16 PM

Sunday, September 28, 2003

 

I went to see Derek Webb Friday night. Holy 'effin' crap, that man is 27 million times more amazing than I remembered! I've never been so blown away by anything or anyone! What's sad is that it'd been almost a year since I'd seen him last. I have no idea why I waited that long. I'm gonna do everything I can to see him in Charlotte on November 16. The man is a frickin' genius.]!

- thoughts provided by Katey Orr @ 1:18 PM